I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
