do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
