You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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