what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My bed smells like the plague
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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