This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear god my vagina.
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