xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
