I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
