You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
