Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize