She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
