Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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