I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
