I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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