yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
