We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
