A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
