foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
