problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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