when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This baby is an asshole
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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