omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is wine microwaveable?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My feet surprised me
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