i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
