The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
