i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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