'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
false alarm, still single
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
