All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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