We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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