I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
