Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
