I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
where am i from again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
