i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize