I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
