Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
