She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
