Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
