Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
