OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize