Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
