My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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