I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
