I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
