Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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