We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
