Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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