god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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