wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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