will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
did you just send me my own nude
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
