We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize