Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
