I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
