im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
