Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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