I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
