Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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