I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
