i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
