Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
