Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
