I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
