we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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