apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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