I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
