just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
