Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize