You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
