First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize